1
00:00:24,475 --> 00:00:26,892
You might as well slide them
over here, Chuy.
2
00:00:26,968 --> 00:00:28,652
You don't intimidate me, man.
3
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,153
Something does.
4
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:33,023
The look on your face shows
you ain't got jack.
5
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,150
Or you lost your green card.
6
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:36,943
Okay, you got me.
7
00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:39,529
(LAUGHTER)
8
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,032
Man, it's so good to be back
in the dog pound, yeah, yeah.
9
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,909
Know what I'm
talking about?
10
00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:45,368
You know, playing cards?
11
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,787
You know, cold-kicking it?
12
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:48,038
With, with
the homies?
13
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,173
All right, fine.
14
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,323
You want to tell them
about your thing?
15
00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:51,774
Tell them about your movie.
Come on.
16
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,085
Jerry, come on.
This is my first hand, man.
17
00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:54,711
I'm waiting on a lull, man.
18
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,046
Hey, man, what movie?
19
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:59,549
It's called Conrad Prerogative.
20
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,009
My first leading role.
21
00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:02,344
They called me today.
22
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:03,762
What!
23
00:01:03,839 --> 00:01:05,263
Go ahead, boy.
24
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,990
That's right.
It was a coup.
25
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,684
We were waiting
for a role like this
for a very long time.
26
00:01:09,761 --> 00:01:10,977
Denzel falls out,
27
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:12,229
Bernie falls in.
28
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,680
Denzel Washington?
29
00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:15,315
Oh, no, actually, Denzel
Shapiro, from the deli.
30
00:01:15,392 --> 00:01:16,733
Do you know him? Jackass.
31
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,568
(LAUGHTER)
32
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,112
Anyway, to the living,
33
00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:21,205
Bernie plays
an ex-track star
34
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:22,656
who suffers from a stroke.
35
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:24,574
Okay, so it's
a really dramatic role.
36
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,493
So, people are going
to finally get to see
37
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,537
that the big man
has got some range.
38
00:01:28,613 --> 00:01:30,914
What's up, baby?
39
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,482
Man, that sounds like a downer.
40
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,718
Why don't you do that movie
you was telling us about.
41
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,461
What was that?
Phat House.
42
00:01:36,538 --> 00:01:37,763
You know, the one
where you say,
43
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,723
"I'm in the house."
44
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,926
ALL:
In the house.
45
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,928
You see Morgan doing
Phat House?
46
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,096
Denzel?
47
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,231
Larry Fishburne?
48
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:48,765
You don't see them
doing Phat House.
49
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,725
I'm in the house.
50
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:51,977
You don't see them doing that.
51
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:53,821
Come on, man. Those guys
are serious actors...
52
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:56,982
What you just say?
53
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:59,234
Uh... those guys
are serious actors.
54
00:01:59,311 --> 00:02:01,578
You come in my house
and you insult my talent.
55
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,737
You drink my beer,
56
00:02:02,814 --> 00:02:04,364
smoke my cigars,
eat my chips, right?
57
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,782
Come on, B Dog.
It's not like that.
58
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:06,908
You know it's not like that.
59
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:07,918
No, it's like that to me.
60
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,419
It's like that to me.
61
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,372
So, if he feels
like that,
62
00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:13,790
stop drinking my beer,
63
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,667
smoking my cigars,
64
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:16,835
and eating my chips,
65
00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,303
and get the hell out
of my house.
66
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,558
(CLEARS THROAT)
67
00:02:24,094 --> 00:02:25,811
Okay.
68
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,556
(LAUGHS)
69
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,641
You still think
I ain't no serious actor?
70
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,644
He's in the house!
71
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,280
(LAUGHS)
72
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:39,357
Hey, that Conrad
on my list.
73
00:02:39,434 --> 00:02:40,692
America!
74
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:41,985
I'm excited.
75
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,436
Boy, in the past, Bernie Mac
76
00:02:43,514 --> 00:02:45,780
has read for and lost some
pretty damn good parts.
77
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,023
Yes, I have.
78
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:48,617
Training Day,
that could have been me.
79
00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:49,993
Denzel got it.
80
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,120
Bagger Vance, huh?
81
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,997
Will Smith's punky ass got that.
82
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,790
Said I wasn't mystical enough.
83
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:58,752
Bernie Mac is plenty mystical.
Let me tell you.
84
00:02:58,828 --> 00:03:01,004
But, you know, they just
thought of me as a funny man,
85
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:02,088
you know, comedian.
86
00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:03,340
Red nose, you know.
87
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,066
But I'm much more than that.
88
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,854
And now, with Conrad
Prerogative, I get to prove it.
89
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:12,858
When I show up on that set
Monday, America, I'm...
90
00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:16,394
Oh, man.
91
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:18,864
There may be a problem.
92
00:03:18,941 --> 00:03:20,616
Hey, Wanda?
93
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:24,227
Baby.
94
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,495
Who is going
to watch the kids?
95
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,447
What?
Talking about
Jordan and Bryana?
96
00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:29,199
Nessa gets out of school
too doggone late.
97
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,533
I can't find no baby-sitters
strong enough
98
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,202
to watch them
for eight weeks.
99
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,829
Okay, relax,
and I will handle it.
100
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,707
Baby, you've been busting your
tail on this Hiroshima account.
101
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:41,127
Hirosaki,
and I will take care of it.
102
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:43,213
I will pick the kids up
after school
103
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,048
and drop them off
at the daycare at work
104
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,392
and pick up some take-out
on the way home.
105
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,771
Girl, you just
saved production.
106
00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:53,306
(LAUGHING)
107
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:54,691
How about it, Vanessa?
108
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,235
You want to hang out?
109
00:03:57,887 --> 00:04:01,106
Can you believe he actually
sat next to me again?
110
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,732
And did you smell his cologne?
111
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:06,152
Yeah, but at least it covered
up the smell of the bus.
112
00:04:06,229 --> 00:04:08,571
At least we only ride
for 15 minutes.
113
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,240
They get bussed over an hour.
114
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,533
It's torture.
115
00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:13,243
All right, look.
I'm going to get to gym.
116
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,536
Okay, see you at lunch.
117
00:04:14,612 --> 00:04:15,879
Bye.
118
00:04:17,708 --> 00:04:19,341
Hello!
119
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,212
I'll bet you anything
he's not racing to class.
120
00:04:24,289 --> 00:04:25,297
Thanks.
121
00:04:25,373 --> 00:04:27,683
I'm Terry, by the way.
Vanessa.
122
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,762
There goes
the Saditty Committee.
123
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:33,947
C-C-C-Corny.
124
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,807
That was a cute bag
she had though, huh?
125
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:38,101
I wish I could afford me
some Gucci, you know?
126
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,861
Yeah, I know.
127
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,856
Come on.
Can't we just stay home?
128
00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:44,032
Jordan, I told you
129
00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,433
there's no one there
to watch you.
130
00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,193
Now, stop it.
I don't have time for this.
131
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:48,653
I won't burn
anything this time.
132
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,739
That's what you
said last time.
133
00:04:50,815 --> 00:04:52,324
Hi.
Hi.
134
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,825
I'm Molly,
135
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:57,245
and you must be Bryana,
and you must be Jordan.
136
00:04:57,322 --> 00:04:58,913
I think I feel
the chickenpox coming on.
137
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:01,800
Jordan, I said stop it.
Now, go in there.
138
00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:04,177
There will be lots of kids
for you to play with.
139
00:05:04,254 --> 00:05:06,129
Thank you.
140
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:10,892
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
141
00:05:15,423 --> 00:05:18,266
Well, your throwing arm
still works.
142
00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:19,809
You know what, Conrad?
143
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:23,271
Walk, don't walk,
I get paid just the same.
144
00:05:23,348 --> 00:05:24,656
There you go.
145
00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:26,524
Cut.
146
00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:28,318
I'm sorry, people.
We have a lighting problem.
147
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,778
Take five.
148
00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:32,581
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
149
00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:33,832
See this?
150
00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:35,075
This is a tear, okay?
151
00:05:35,151 --> 00:05:36,460
I did not want to wipe it
until you saw that.
152
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:37,693
You liked the scene, huh?
153
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,038
Liked it?
Are, are, are you kidding?
154
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:41,247
Dog, I wanted to...
155
00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:42,916
I wanted to hump it.
156
00:05:42,992 --> 00:05:44,468
I feel nice. Real nice.
157
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:45,701
I know really nice.
Listen to this.
158
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,562
This morning,
we just got an offer
159
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:50,215
for the urban remake
of The Bad News Bears, okay?
160
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:51,716
It's called Junkyard Dogs.
161
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:52,842
Pass.
162
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,344
Bernie, Charlize Theron
163
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,812
is the concerned
social worker, okay?
164
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:56,979
Pass.
165
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,932
Bernie, it's double
your quote.
166
00:05:59,008 --> 00:06:00,016
Pass.
167
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,142
Ber...
168
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:03,061
I like it when you pass.
169
00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,230
Watch this, okay?
This is going to be really fun.
170
00:06:05,306 --> 00:06:06,506
I'm just going to act
171
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:07,690
really, really insulted
with the first offer.
172
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:11,111
Watch this.
Handle your business.
173
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:12,237
Give me Bob.
174
00:06:12,313 --> 00:06:13,613
(LAUGHS)
175
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,907
I don't mean to have
a big head, America.
176
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,325
But two years ago,
177
00:06:17,402 --> 00:06:18,502
I would have jumped
through hoops
178
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,245
for something
like Junkyard Dogs.
179
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,955
But not today.
180
00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:24,341
It's time for people to get
to know Bernie Mac, the actor,
181
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,584
Bernard Mac, if you will.
182
00:06:26,661 --> 00:06:27,944
What?
183
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,547
Laurence Fishburne did it.
He used to be Larry.
184
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,715
Now, if you'll excuse me,
185
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,519
I've got to learn my lines
for tomorrow.
186
00:06:43,845 --> 00:06:44,836
Hey, Vanessa.
187
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:46,646
Hey, Terry.
How's it going?
188
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:47,789
Good.
189
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,899
But have you ever had
Mrs. Wilton?
190
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,025
It's a wig.
191
00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:52,344
(LAUGHS)
192
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,904
Oh, man, is that
that new B2K?
193
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,407
Yeah, it's really good.
You have it?
194
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,201
No, I've been meaning
to get it, but, you know.
195
00:07:00,278 --> 00:07:03,621
Well, take this one.
196
00:07:03,698 --> 00:07:06,124
For real?
That's like 14 bucks.
197
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:08,376
I got two
for my birthday.
198
00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:11,254
You could return it.
Get yourself some Jay-Z.
199
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,798
No, take it.
200
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:16,101
Appreciate it.
201
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,057
Hey, we were having fun.
202
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,851
Daycare's not about fun.
203
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,103
Daycare is about
keeping children quiet
204
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,646
and out of their parents' hair.
205
00:07:28,723 --> 00:07:30,315
So, you don't care
if we have fun?
206
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,075
I think
we understand each other.
207
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,445
Now, who wants to watch
George and the Magic Buggy?
208
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:38,039
ALL:
Me, me, me, me!
209
00:07:44,822 --> 00:07:46,623
Sorry, sorry, honey,
I got stuck
210
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:47,790
on a conference call
to Japan
211
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,359
that turned into a nightmare.
212
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,212
See, that's why I don't marry
beautiful women who work.
213
00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:54,297
Yeah. Uh-huh.
That's why.
214
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:58,009
No worries, baby,
I saved the projector for you.
Just set on down.
215
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,386
Now, listen, everybody.
This is raw footage.
216
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,821
It hasn't been edited.
217
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,681
This is just raw
Bernie Mac dailies, okay?
218
00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:05,308
We get it, man.
Roll it.
219
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,727
DIRECTOR:
And... action!
220
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:09,521
Well...
221
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:11,606
your throwing arm
still works.
222
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,049
You know what, Conrad?
223
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:17,621
Walk, don't walk,
I get paid just the same.
224
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,406
There you go.
225
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:25,036
(LAUGHING)
226
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:26,579
Boy, hush.
227
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:30,634
Why? You look funny.
You're drooling
and everything.
228
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:34,504
Jordan, it's not funny.
229
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:35,755
Now, don't make fun of...
230
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:38,633
(LAUGHS)
231
00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:41,302
Come on now, Wanda.
Don't encourage the boy.
232
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:45,014
I'm sorry. I mean, look...
233
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,692
(LAUGHING)
234
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,328
All right.
235
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,356
That's okay. It was the first
take of the day at 6:00 a.m.
236
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,441
I hadn't even had my coffee yet.
237
00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:57,026
I'll get better, much better.
238
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,070
I'll just show them
another take.
239
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:03,992
Walk, don't walk,
I get paid just the same.
240
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,160
(LAUGHTER)
241
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,538
Look, he's
still drooling.
242
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:12,050
(LAUGHTER)
243
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,684
Heathens!
Philistines!
244
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,386
What do they know
about fine art?
245
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,564
I'll show them.
246
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,396
You ever had a whole room
laughing at you, Jerry?
247
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,440
It's horrible.
248
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,442
All right, B, no
offense to the peeps,
249
00:09:37,518 --> 00:09:39,902
but come on, okay, who cares?
250
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,705
It only matters what
the studio thinks
251
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,865
and the studio did not
think it was funny.
252
00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,908
You spoke to the studio?
Indeed, I did.
253
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,210
And guess what?
What?
254
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,911
It's all good, player.
255
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,748
There's one tiny,
major concern.
256
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,082
You know, they just
wanted to make sure
257
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,710
that you knew that
this wasn't a comedy.
258
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,395
I knew it wasn't what?
Huh?
259
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,172
What's "tiny" doing
in that sentence, Jerry?
What?
260
00:09:59,248 --> 00:10:01,633
Ain't nothing tiny
about what you just said.
261
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:04,010
Tiny's walking around here
messing everything up.
262
00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:05,094
Put tiny out.
263
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,471
Okay, you know what?
You know what?
264
00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:07,972
Big papa, big papa,
relax, okay?
265
00:10:08,049 --> 00:10:09,390
I took care of everything.
266
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:10,725
I blamed them.
267
00:10:10,802 --> 00:10:12,143
Do you know what
I told them?
No.
268
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,103
I told them, "What the
hell do you expect?
269
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,938
"He just got the
part two days ago.
270
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,441
"He needs time
to prepare."
271
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,651
You said that?
272
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:20,818
Yes, I did.
273
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:22,445
"He needs time
to do research."
274
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,447
You did good.
275
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,573
You're right.
276
00:10:25,650 --> 00:10:26,824
That's what I need to do.
277
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,418
I need to go
in research mode.
278
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,735
True that.
279
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,582
Can you believe
how hot it was last night?
280
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:35,875
I couldn't sleep.
281
00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:37,502
My cat kept licking the sweat
off my neck.
282
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,295
I know.
283
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,006
I mean, I hate the heat.
We don't have a cat.
284
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,217
You ever sat so long
in front of the fridge
285
00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:45,551
that the light blew out?
286
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,095
(LAUGHS)
287
00:10:47,171 --> 00:10:48,054
Hey.
288
00:10:48,131 --> 00:10:49,981
Oh, hey, Donna.
This is Terry.
289
00:10:50,058 --> 00:10:51,933
Oh, hi.
So, this is Terry.
290
00:10:52,009 --> 00:10:54,727
Vanessa does not shut up
about you.
291
00:10:54,804 --> 00:10:56,178
What's so funny?
292
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,281
Oh, you know.
We was just laughing about
293
00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,857
how nice it would be
to have air conditioning.
294
00:10:59,934 --> 00:11:01,901
Vanessa, your house
is always so freezing.
295
00:11:01,978 --> 00:11:04,371
What happened?
Bernie Mac blow it out again?
296
00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:07,874
Bernie Mac?
The comedian?
297
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,576
He's kinda my uncle.
298
00:11:10,653 --> 00:11:12,537
Wait, you live with Bernie Mac?
299
00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:14,263
Then why you been
300
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,915
walking around trying
to make me think you was broke?
301
00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:17,792
I didn't. You assumed.
302
00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,426
Yeah,
'cause you said things like,
303
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,045
"Cooling off in front of the
fridge till the light blew out."
304
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,714
Well,
what was I supposed to say,
305
00:11:22,790 --> 00:11:24,298
"I live with my rich uncle"?
306
00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:25,466
Why not?
307
00:11:25,543 --> 00:11:26,759
I just didn't want you
to think...
308
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:28,302
What? That you better
than me?
309
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,430
You not, but, obviously
you think you are.
310
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:31,723
No, I don't.
311
00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:33,766
I'm just like you.
I grew up in the projects.
312
00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,685
Oh, so,
now I'm from the projects
313
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:37,770
just 'cause I don't live
with Bernie Mac?
314
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:39,397
Man, you a bougie little thing,
315
00:11:39,474 --> 00:11:40,865
and I don't
need your pity.
316
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,196
In here.
317
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,666
I found him underneath
the conference table
318
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:52,410
while I was giving a very
important presentation.
319
00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:53,828
Oh, my goodness.
320
00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:55,088
I'm so sorry.
321
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:56,956
You busted out?
322
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,292
Yeah, it was amazing.
323
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:02,545
You should have seen
all the cool stuff
they have in this place.
324
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,829
Like what?
325
00:12:03,907 --> 00:12:06,549
Fountains to play in,
storage rooms to raid,
326
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,926
elevator buttons
to push.
327
00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:11,304
We're surrounded by treasure.
328
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:12,722
ALL:
Ooh...
329
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,557
WOMAN:
Okay, everyone.
330
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,267
Who wants to watch a video?
331
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,477
Can we watch a cartoon?
332
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,486
Yeah.
Yeah.
333
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,772
No, no, don't go.
334
00:12:20,848 --> 00:12:22,690
Do you see what
she's doing?
335
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:24,942
She's controlling your
mind with cartoons.
336
00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:28,488
We should be running around,
playing, living it up.
337
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,791
(CARTOON PLAYING)
338
00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:35,495
Hey, when did you
get into town?
339
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,755
Just a few days ago.
340
00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:37,997
How do you do?
341
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,332
Well, how are you?
342
00:12:39,408 --> 00:12:40,500
I'm fine, thank you.
343
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:43,085
I'm very well myself.
344
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,138
BERNIE:
Who called you bougie?
345
00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:47,465
This girl I made friends with
at school.
346
00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,133
Uh-huh.
I really liked her.
347
00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:51,677
Well, why she call you bougie?
348
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,471
Well, she gets bussed in, right?
349
00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:54,713
Right.
And I didn't want her
350
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,349
to think I was part
of the Saditty Committee.
351
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,810
So, I made her think
I didn't have much,
352
00:12:58,886 --> 00:13:00,978
and then, she found out
I was your niece.
353
00:13:01,055 --> 00:13:03,397
Oh, you thought she wouldn't
like you if she knew.
354
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:04,983
I don't know.
355
00:13:05,059 --> 00:13:07,819
I mean, I just didn't
want her to feel bad,
356
00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:10,571
and now she thinks
I was pitying her.
357
00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:11,989
Well, Nessa, I'm
going to tell you,
358
00:13:12,066 --> 00:13:13,950
you can't go around
judging people
359
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,494
for what they have,
what they don't have
360
00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,162
because that's
not who they are.
361
00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:19,805
Just like you're
no better or worse
362
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,333
than when you were living at
Cabrini-Green, you understand?
363
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,794
You just make people
like you for you.
364
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,003
That's all you can do.
365
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,514
You just be Nessa.
366
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,591
Oh, and besides,
367
00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:32,677
sweetheart,
you're not bougie...
368
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,011
(CHUCKLES)
369
00:13:34,088 --> 00:13:35,513
...'cause you ain't got squat.
370
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:36,681
I'm the one that
got everything.
371
00:13:36,757 --> 00:13:37,957
You just live here.
372
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,584
You and your brother and
sister, you all bums,
373
00:13:39,661 --> 00:13:43,905
beggars, tramps, parasites,
ticks, leeches. That's it.
374
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:46,348
(SIGHS)
375
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,443
You know, sometimes, when you
really want to do your best,
376
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,821
it's good to get advice
from one of the best.
377
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,047
You all know Angela Bassett?
378
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,699
Angela, say hello
to the fine people.
379
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:55,900
Hello.
380
00:13:55,977 --> 00:13:57,827
Now, Angela, you are
an amazing actress.
381
00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,797
You played Rosa Parks,
Stella Got Her Groove,
382
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,081
and Betty Shabazz twice.
383
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,833
Mm-hmm. Tito's mama.
384
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,219
(LAUGHS)
Tito's mama.
385
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:09,881
Okay, but you played the
big one, Tina Turner.
386
00:14:09,957 --> 00:14:11,757
Now, baby girl, tell
me how you did that?
387
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,484
How you manage that?
388
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,177
Well, you know,
I began with the physical.
Uh-huh.
389
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,863
You know,
the outside in.
390
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,806
Mm-hmm.
The legs, the arms,
that kind of things.
391
00:14:18,883 --> 00:14:20,132
Oh, yeah, the
legs and the arms.
392
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,809
She's got the python
popping, don't she?
393
00:14:21,886 --> 00:14:23,227
I mean, I'm playing
a stroke victim,
394
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:25,146
but there ain't no
work involved in that.
395
00:14:25,222 --> 00:14:26,397
Well, you know, Bern,
396
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,065
it's not always
about the appearances.
397
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:29,650
(LAUGHS)
You know?
Okay, all right.
398
00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:31,986
Yeah, but it is about
internalizing the reality.
399
00:14:32,063 --> 00:14:33,738
Tell me this.
Tell me this.
Mm-hmm.
400
00:14:33,814 --> 00:14:36,490
How much time
have you actually spent
401
00:14:36,567 --> 00:14:37,792
with stroke victims?
402
00:14:37,869 --> 00:14:41,037
You know, witnessing,
observing, researching?
403
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,205
Spending time with them?
Yeah.
404
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,583
I didn't know we
had to do that.
405
00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,168
I'm just acting.
406
00:14:47,244 --> 00:14:48,252
What?
407
00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:49,503
I don't know.
408
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:52,548
(LAUGHING)
409
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,591
Seriously?
I'm serious.
410
00:14:53,668 --> 00:14:54,926
Bernie,
that's kindergarten.
411
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:57,345
That's the foundation,
one, two, three, you know?
412
00:14:57,421 --> 00:14:58,930
I didn't know.
413
00:14:59,006 --> 00:15:00,598
I mean, but I'm going to
do it first thing tomorrow.
414
00:15:00,675 --> 00:15:03,100
But Angie, I'm going to do
it first thing tomorrow.
415
00:15:03,177 --> 00:15:04,719
First thing tomorrow, America,
416
00:15:04,795 --> 00:15:06,604
I'm going to go find me
some stroke victims.
417
00:15:06,681 --> 00:15:07,972
Yeah, well, all right.
418
00:15:08,049 --> 00:15:09,774
You might want to check out
the local hospital.
419
00:15:09,850 --> 00:15:11,943
(LAUGHING)
420
00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:13,319
I said I was going to find
421
00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,446
some stroke victims
tomorrow, Angie.
422
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:18,115
You ain't got to come on
here, I mean, you might be
423
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:20,368
an Oscar nominee and
all that kind of stuff,
424
00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:23,454
you know, but you don't
have to come out here
and try to embarrass me.
425
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,247
I wasn't trying
to do that, Bernie.
426
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:28,376
I would never try
to embarrass you.
No...
427
00:15:28,452 --> 00:15:30,252
I'm only here
to make it better.
428
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,713
You actors, man...
If possible.
429
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:36,634
You actors, y'all-y'all
too funny style for me.
430
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,019
Don't kid it.
431
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,309
You didn't do all that
good in Tina neither.
432
00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:47,111
(LAUGHS)
433
00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:56,070
Mr. Mac, if you
need anything,
434
00:15:56,147 --> 00:15:57,530
let me know.
435
00:15:57,606 --> 00:15:58,581
Thank you.
436
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,283
Go do it.
437
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,710
Okay.
438
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:15,256
Um, the reason I'm here is,
I'm... I'm playing a man
439
00:16:15,332 --> 00:16:19,176
of the same affliction
as yourself, and I'm an actor.
440
00:16:19,253 --> 00:16:20,386
No, no, no, listen.
441
00:16:20,463 --> 00:16:22,271
I am telling you
that my client, right now,
442
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,856
is becoming Conrad
as we speak.
443
00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,733
(MAN LAUGHING)
He's laughing at me.
444
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,034
I quit!
445
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,436
Okay, you know what,
your lack of faith
446
00:16:28,512 --> 00:16:29,770
in me and my client,
we both quit.
447
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:30,980
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
448
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:32,507
If I can't play Conrad
449
00:16:32,583 --> 00:16:35,359
without making a mockery
of the man, I ain't gonna do it.
450
00:16:35,436 --> 00:16:38,571
All I want to do is give
an honest, sincere, portrayal,
451
00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:41,323
but it turns out,
I'm just another funny face,
452
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,626
a damn clown, and you know
there's nothing sadder
453
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:44,952
than tears of a clown.
454
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,746
Weep for me, America.
455
00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:48,372
(SOBBING)
456
00:16:48,449 --> 00:16:50,041
Come on, Angie.
Come on, Angie.
457
00:16:50,117 --> 00:16:52,427
Don't-don't cry.
It's going to
be all right.
458
00:16:53,029 --> 00:16:55,596
(SOBBING)
459
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,674
I know, Bernie.
460
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,634
I was just acting.
461
00:17:00,711 --> 00:17:01,802
You see?
462
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:04,647
That's how you do it.
463
00:17:05,466 --> 00:17:07,600
Oh, man.
464
00:17:07,676 --> 00:17:09,152
That was good.
465
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,606
A cat?
466
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:16,650
Nope. That's your
tenth guess. You lose.
467
00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:19,278
It's just lines.
468
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,072
Where's my sister?
469
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,166
She's right over...
470
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:26,702
Okay, everyone.
471
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,579
Video time, video time.
472
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:31,290
I'll put in the tape.
I'll put in the tape.
473
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,250
Just find my sister
and hurry.
474
00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:35,628
She likes to run
in the street.
475
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:37,346
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
476
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:41,184
Behold.
477
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:45,730
ALL:
Wow!
478
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,392
Oh, hey, Terry.
Can I talk to you?
479
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,694
Oh, what's the matter?
480
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,188
Your little limo
not coming to pick you up?
481
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,564
GIRL:
Is this the girl?
482
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:56,782
Mm-hmm.
483
00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:58,901
Look, I just wanted
to apologize.
484
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,319
I-I never meant...
485
00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:02,404
Whatever, Vanessa.
486
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,624
Say hi to Bernie Mac for me.
487
00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:10,463
(KIDS LAUGHING)
488
00:18:18,539 --> 00:18:20,840
It looks like
my work here is done.
489
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:22,308
(LAUGHS)
490
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:24,268
BERNIE:
You landed that account.
491
00:18:24,345 --> 00:18:27,555
I guess now there's two
superstars in the family.
492
00:18:27,631 --> 00:18:29,431
No, just one.
493
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,517
I ain't doing that movie
no more.
494
00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:34,103
What do you mean you're
not doing the movie?
495
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,396
I quit.
496
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:37,731
Artistic differences.
497
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:39,859
Oh, I'm sorry.
Honey, what happened?
498
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,619
Ah, it's all right.
499
00:18:41,696 --> 00:18:43,154
I'll break it down
to you later.
500
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,446
Come on.
We got another problem.
501
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:45,748
Help me with this.
Come on.
502
00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:48,159
Hey, gorgeous.
503
00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:50,744
Your auntie just landed
that big account.
504
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:52,255
Congratulations.
505
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,999
Uh-oh.
506
00:18:55,075 --> 00:18:56,792
What's the matter?
507
00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,212
I tried to apologize to this
girl who called me bougie,
508
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,173
but she wasn't hearing it.
509
00:19:02,249 --> 00:19:03,924
Why'd she call you that?
510
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:05,159
Because she is bougie.
511
00:19:05,236 --> 00:19:06,443
Especially when you
be trying to talk
512
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,721
all proper with your friend
Donna and them.
513
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,681
"Ooh, girl,
I wish I had a Gucci purse.
514
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:13,684
"Ooh, girl, I wish I had
a Calvin Klein bag."
515
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,119
I don't do that.
516
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,770
When the guys try
to talk to you,
517
00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:18,564
you be too grand,
you're too uppity.
518
00:19:18,641 --> 00:19:20,566
Your hand on your hip,
you make your backbone slip.
519
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:21,859
(LAUGHS)
520
00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:23,402
You're bougie, too.
521
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:24,612
That's where she
gets it from.
522
00:19:24,688 --> 00:19:26,238
Look how your left
hip pops out.
523
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,115
Like I said,
what's wrong with bougie?
524
00:19:28,192 --> 00:19:29,533
That's walking
with confidence.
525
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:30,576
(LAUGHS)
526
00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:32,411
Come and show me
how she walk.
527
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,288
Come on, man.
Show it to her.
528
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,789
Oh, no, no.
That looks like Tourette's.
529
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,209
Yeah, looks
like something
wrong with you
530
00:19:38,285 --> 00:19:39,727
on that one, partner.
531
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,962
Baby girl, come on.
Here it come.
Give her room.
532
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:44,298
Boom, ba-doom,
boom, boom,
533
00:19:44,375 --> 00:19:45,666
boom ba-doom, boom.
534
00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:47,760
Now, come right here and
twirl it, baby, twirl it.
535
00:19:47,836 --> 00:19:49,220
(LAUGHING)
536
00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:50,938
You see that girl, America,
537
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,941
laughing like she didn't have
a care in the world,
538
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:57,728
and here I was starting to think
that being funny was a curse.
539
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,730
Now, I ain't against
being serious.
540
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,733
I find me a nice meaty,
non-handicapped, dramatic role,
541
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,235
I'm all over it.
542
00:20:04,311 --> 00:20:06,320
But being funny,
making people laugh,
543
00:20:06,397 --> 00:20:09,531
man, that's all I wanted to do
in the first place.
544
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,367
But I lost sight of that.
545
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,494
But I tell you one thing,
America,
546
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:16,172
it ain't never gonna
happen again.
547
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,966
Never.
548
00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:27,925
Give me some more.
(SOBBING)
549
00:20:28,002 --> 00:20:29,510
Uh-uh,
you're kidding it.
550
00:20:29,586 --> 00:20:32,513
It'll never work.
I ain't kidding.
551
00:20:32,589 --> 00:20:34,348
Think of something...
My stomach hurts.
552
00:20:34,425 --> 00:20:37,101
(LAUGHS)
553
00:20:37,177 --> 00:20:41,030
(SOBBING)
554
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,024
(SOBBING)
555
00:20:44,101 --> 00:20:47,662
Mm-mmm, that wouldn't work
for me either.
556
00:20:50,024 --> 00:20:51,082
You actors.